THERE GOES THE DIET - AGAIN
I have really been trying to stick to my diet - I promise you - I
really have. Even yesterday, when some friends and I went to a concert
at the Dormition Abbey and there was that ever-present Arab selling
Arab Bagelach (than which, I promise you, there is no better smell and
taste) - I just drank my water and sucked on my sugarless candies.
Booor-ing! But I felt so virtuous - and thin.
So today - not only was I dieting - I was also working at my desk
trying to clean up all my paperwork (I tell you - my papers have
babies even while I sleep - sort of like wire hangers which seem to
proliferate in the clothes closets overnight). My phone rang. My
friend, Joey. "Do you want to go out to lunch?" "No" I said - "I'm
doing my paperwork" - feeling very virtuous yet again. "OK - I'm
bringing lunch to you - I found us a great treat."
And a short time later my doorbell rang. "Meals on Wheels" announced
Joey. And then we went to town. Joey and I both keep kosher - at home.
There was a time when we didn't keep kosher - so we know what
non-kosher tastes like. Well - I still know what real non-kosher
tastes like as I eat all kinds of "treyf" outside (things like bacon
and prosciutto and shellfish). Joey doesn't.
So what did he bring for lunch? Kosher bacon. It's really veal - but -
I swear - it tastes like bacon. We never even bothered to sit at the
table. We just scarfed down bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches while
standing over the sink. Not even with lettuce and tomato. And Joey -
what a goyishe thing to do - he brought a loaf of white bread which he
didn't even toast! I, of course, was semi-good and ate my sandwiches
on seven-grain "leham kal" (diet bread). Toasted.
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